Tuesday, September 26, 2006 • 5:49:00 AM
yest was the 1st dae of sem2. and it was HORRIBLE!!! gosh!!! i went out of the hse with a happy mind and came back with this reallie BLACK face!!! firstly...well...it actually happened cuz of my CT results. though the lecturer have nt totally added the marks for sem1, but it was horrible lah! i tink even if it was added, i will still fail! yep...for that yr long module, i've failed TERRIBLY for sem1. for the paper itself, it was the lowest marks so far. i don wan to repeat or kick out or anything. i just wan to pass and get on with life. of course-with good grades.
it was so horrible lah!!! and i've made up my mind to retake the test supposedly next wed, though haven fully study. cuz was thinking whether anot to take. it's a diff of 5 marks. i was thinking...the lowest i cld get is alrdy wad ive gotten. so i cannot go lower. so might as well, just retake lah. no harm done. cept that nd to study. that's all. and like wad
Setay has said, 1week study for 1 module. so thr u go. gonna start ltr! i can't play arnd and slack anymore. if nt, CONFIRM repeat-trust me. i'm on a thin thread. one small wrong move, and i'm down.
and this nt only one. though the next is like something personal and stuffs and i can't just blindly shoot out my thoughts, but just gonna say it. it's reallie bad lor. the blackest moment in my life. last time, thr's such a thing like this but i didn't tink it was THAT serious. i mean...it WAS SERIOUS but cuz i was not part of it. i mean...i don really make a difference. i was not responsible in any way. i just cried and plead and something like that. but noe-it's TOTALLY DIFFERENT. u noe y? cuz i'm at tis age. i've grown. so i hv some responsibility to keep it tgt. and wif sch and other stuffs, plus THIS...i don noe if i can. lately, i've been thinking of stoopid things. serious. whn i'm angry, down after some things that has happened, my mind will be like...ALL OVER THE PLACE. the thing that i just nd is courage to face the outside world alone. but cuz my mind also thinks of the consequeces...(that what saves me!)...i stop. i just bear with it. but i can't hold out any longer. i don noe if i can. it's horrible. i just don noe...
like that electrico song (i loved that song!!!)...the one whr
Jon sang, for that finals. SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO...i'm forcing myself to stay. i reallie am. with that mind, i chose that path. cuz u noe..if i go, i'll be scolded. i'll be despise by MANY PEOPLE. i'll lose everything that i hv for the past 18 yrs just like that. i'm being held responsible. i'm being nagged at. they say i'm mature alrdy. i've grown. i've to take care of things. but seriously, i don noe if i can. i've held out for too long. too long.
it's reallie too long.
ok. too depressing. early in the morn, talk abt depressing things.
anyway...
Hady won.
someone must be elated out thr. =)though i'm rooting for
Jon, but i guess
Hady deserves it lah. he's got more wide vocal range. his voice can fit into many genres.
Jon can like do deep-voiced...whatever that is suppose to mean. but they r the winners. i'm glad wif the final 2. lucky it's them. no more SI 3. cuz sg no talents. *lol*
but i just hope
Jon will be better thn
Sly. he'll make a good album and be popular. he will. ok enough.
don noe lah. i just don noe what to do. all i can do noe is grit my teeth and bear with EVERYTHING. one day, i may just break down. i MAY. maybe i'm talking cheerfully to anyone and thn i'll just BREAK DOWN. just like that. it's scary for ppl if that ever happens. but what i'm going thru now...is much scarier. trust me.
i just hope this will end soon. i want my old life back. i reallie wan. i'll give up some yrs of my lives...i'll give up anything that i own to hv my old life back. i don care. i wan to live happily even if it's short. i don wan a long and torturous life.
give me back my old life. please.
Thank You
